today i am sad

today i am feeling sad and really happy all at the same time, which is a very strange feeling, a close friend of ours has tonight rang us to say they are expecting, we are over the moon for them we really are, and we wish them lots of love and luck. however we did wnat our own baby and have been trying, only to be told that jack is virtually sterile on dialysis, so we were trying for nothing really, we had mixed messages from the hospital, but after looking into it and asking to see a specilaist about it, it seems that is the case, sometimes fertility can increase after a transplant, it depends how long someone has been on dialysis and tablets!(ANITHER REASON THE NHS SHOULD PULL ITS BLOODY FINGER OUT!) there have been cases of men having children after a transplant, but usually if it was a quick sudden renal failure follwed by transplant and getting well again, not from long term kidney problems, oh well at least i haver my health, so i should shut up moaning!