hello hello, i am so bored, i feel like i am going out of my mind and that i am boring people stupid with the same thing! i can honestly say that i have never ever felt as low as i do at the moment, i have felt sad and a bit depressed before and thought, oh i will be ok, but today and the last few days i feel like i am trapped in a big hole, it seems everyone around me is happy and doing happy exciting stuff, and i am just sat here with life passing me by, i wonder if i am just being ridiculous or if i am justified to feel like this? and i dont know? i keep crying at the most stupid thing! jack just left to go to dialysis, and when he shut the door i cried my eyes out, its another boring lonely night in for me! i use to think i was outgoing, i now feel as if i am about 60! if not older, nothing i ever do ever goes right, ever! and i am wondering how much more i can take. i feel like just walking and walking and walking when i was out with the dogs just, dont know where too, i feel really alone, and its horrible, i know i have darren, but he is going through enough himself, i dont want to bother his mum and dad, they have had a life of worry thinking about darren since he was a baby, my mum and dad have there own problems and live about 80 minutes away, my 2 closest friends have their own lives and get fed up of hearing about my troubles, they are young they want fun, not misery bags here! i had a really good best friend and she died when i was 21, she knew all my secrets i knew hers, and after she died there wasnt anyone else that knew all that, we had been frinds for along time, my mum and her mum are best friends still and heve been since they were 4! so the 4 of us use to do loads together, but we dont now, cause she isnt here, i miss her and wish i could tell her all this and have a laugh instead of feeling so sad. i am rambling now, but i needed someone to tell all this to, there isnt anyone else so a computer will have to do! and i will ahve to snap out of this bloody mood and downward spiral i am in, its my bday 2 weeks today and i will spend it on my own as jack is on dialysis on a friday night! i feel like i have nothing at all to look forward to anymore, just stress and worry and sadness, and i think alot about aunty maureen and aunty chris and stuff, oh well, time to go. x x x take care everyone x x x